Column for May 19, 2011

Today was a very frustrating day at work. I didn’t get anywhere near the amount of work accomplished that I had hoped. The past several days have been long and tediously frustrating, as well. My computer, which used to work well, started to get slower than cold molasses. I did some basic maintenance on it and it sped up nicely, but then started giving me massive problems with a connection to my company’s private network. It was one of those days.

Then I started thinking about some of the other things in my life. My television show lasted a little over six months and just recently went off the air because of a few different circumstances to which I can only shrug my shoulders and speak of my gratitude for the opportunity.

Occasionally I turn on the radio and listen to a disc jockey or talk show host and know that I am better at it than the person to whom I was listening, but still give thanks for the career that I have and realize that I am making more money now than I would be if I had pursued my broadcasting career. I have never been the best at any job I have had, but have always done well at most jobs and businesses I have held or owned. Some jobs I was not so well suited for, some businesses were not sufficiently successful to warrant my continued efforts. Nevertheless, I learned from them all.

I think about how the whole time I was growing up that I never won an essay contest, science fair, or craft fair but sure did have a lot of second place finishes. I think about how when I played Little League baseball, municipal league flag football, and high school football, I was never on a winning team. I learned a lot about teamwork, but I spent a lot of time watching other people play while I sat on the bench or stood on the sidelines. I was never a tremendous athlete, but I competed as I was able.

I think about how I have never won an election of any consequence (not counting some small club or organization) in school or in government, though I was always good at civics and social studies. I was always the one involved in youth government activities, reported on government affairs in my first media job, and did get the top overall social studies award in my graduating class. Though I have never gone further than I have, I am grateful for the influence that I do have in this little column, in my circle of friends, and on the internet.

I think about how my finances have gotten tight since my wife has been out of work for two years and I have had to take on another car payment recently out of sheer necessity. Then I give thanks that my wife is able to stay at home with my children rather than have some day care center raise my boys, that I have employment sufficient to meet all of our needs, and that I have been able to provide a happy, loving home for my family.

I think about how much work there is to do around my little quarter acre patch of earth. The hedges need trimming. The lawn that is looking shaggy. The house, shed, concrete drive and walkways, and fence all need power washing. I have a roof leak and some repair work to do in my kitchen. I have a finite amount of time in which to get it all done and don’t know how I will be able to accomplish any of it. Then I stop and give thanks that I have a temperate, dry house in which to live.

My wife and I are both getting older but have still been talking about having more children. I think about the stupid things I did as a youth that would make me a father of children the same age as the waitress I had the other night. I think about how my first marriage yielded no children for some thirteen years and how my present wife and I have suffered through two miscarriages just this past year. Then I stop and give thanks for the family I have. I have a dedicated, loving bride, a step son I love dearly, and a toddler that is truly the cutest baby I have ever seen. I have also been able to give my boys much more of a father than I got to have my own self when I was young.

You can usually find out where my thoughts are going from day to day on Facebook or Twitter on the internet, and today is no exception. I “tweeted” simply, “At least with Christ, I am always on the winning team.” In all the thoughts about how some things in life have not been as stellar as I would have hoped, I have other thoughts that can be summed up in this: His grace is sufficient for me, and for that I am grateful. Thank you, Father God, for your grace and for your son that you sacrificed for me, someone who never knew a winning team until you took me on as one of your teammates.

Column for July 30, 2009

I want to tell you the story of a friend of mine named Paul. Paul was a teenager whose life was on a downward spiral. He was just 18 years of age and was about to flunk out of high school. With just a few weeks left in the school year at Garner High School, this boy of Puerto Rican extraction was on the street after having a major fall out with his family. He had no place to turn. The pastor of the church I attend is the chaplain for the Garner Police Department. Garner PD has officers at the school and there was a relationship being built through the high school administration, as well.

Garner High School is full of crime, drugs, and gang activity. The school population is more than some Johnston County towns. There are a lot of at risk students there, and Paul was one of them, well known as such to the school's resource police presence.

The pastor and one member of the congregation met with Paul that night and hooked him up with a hotel room for the night as well as intervention with his family for living arrangements. There are a lot of details to which I am not privy, and other details that I do know and would take up more space to relay than I have.

The pastor of the church dealt with the school to help ensure that Paul would not be just another statistic. Paul did not want to be a stereotype and wanted to make something of his life. Unfortunately, Paul had no motivation to succeed. He was an intelligent guy, but he was mentally and physically lazy. There is no good way of saying it, and I know that he would agree.

Different men of the church took Paul "under their wings" and hounded him to get to school and graduate. Despite their assistance, Paul had already missed well above the allowed absence limit by something like 20 days. At the behest of the pastor, the school administration agreed not to force Paul to repeat his senior year of school and waive the issue if Paul would pass his final exams.

Even with that waiver, Paul failed one final exam and was going to fail for the year. With pleading, prayer, negotiations, Paul was allowed to repeat the one literature class he failed during the summer session. The favor of God was with my friend Paul. He eventually passed that class after much cajoling and pressure by the pastor and others to actually show up to class and study. His discipline was just not there on his own to succeed.

Paul then became a lot more involved with the church fellowship. Different men who owned businesses allowed Paul to work with them and even transported him to work a job he managed to get. Paul even helped do some work on my home here in Selma. He came to church on a regular basis and even to men's prayer meetings. He was getting Godly male advice and love for the first time in his life, apparently.

When deciding what to do with his life, Paul said that he wanted to become a Marine. There was one problem. Paul was not exactly tiny at 260 pounds. Paul started to get motivated towards a goal for possibly the first time in his life. He started exercising, dieting, and working to lose the necessary weight to enlist. His recruiter worked out a weight waiver for him if he got down to 205 pounds. Eventually, Paul was able to ship off for Marine Corps boot camp.

This past Friday, I had the distinct honor of traveling with a group of men, including the church's pastor, to Parris Island to see Paul graduate along with almost 600 other Marines. He had changed his attitude, prepared himself for the rigors of Marine Corps training, and mostly had to deal with the physical challenges of being porky by Marine standards.

I was amazed at how Paul had gotten down to a svelte 185 pounds, was a lean fighting machine, and had a lot more confidence in his communications. Now this obstinate, lazy Puerto Rican boy who squeaked through high school by the skin of his teeth has become a man of honor and discipline, and is on his way to a military career in computer networking.

It never ceases to amaze me how prayer, persistence, God's grace, and the love of God shown through His servants can help transform a life. I am proud of Paul, as well as the men with whom I am associated in their pursuit of one of God's lost sheep. Oh, that I had many more such stories to tell.

Fan mail and hate mail about my last column

I apparently hit a nerve with my May 29th column. Just a few hours apart, I got some fan mail and some hate mail. Here are both. The fan mail is shorter, so I lead with it.

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Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2008 15:49:15 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Janie"
To: troy@troylaplante.com
Subject: tired of paying-----
Glad someone is speaking up about these kinds of things. The gov. certainly is not listening tho. I wish they could get hold of some of this wrong doing. I had a hard time getting to whePre I am but I worked hard and did it. So can others. Thanks for speaking out. Janie Corbett Wilsons Mills

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And now the hate mail, to which I wrote a LONG response and offered to print her letter as a rebuttal column one week.
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Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2008 19:58:53 -0400 (GMT-04:00)
From: "jennifer"
To: troy@troylaplante.com
Subject: tired of paying for others


Mr. Laplante, I would like to start off by saying that I too love in Public Housing so may not reach the criteria necessary for you to even read this e-mail. I will however write and send it to you for my own benefit. I moved into housing as a single mother of three children recently divorced with only a high school education. During my stay in public housing I have obtained an associate degree and a bachelor degree with the help of Financial Aid, Loans, Scolarships and work study programs. I have not once been without a job since I was fifteen and worked throughout my college career. That having been said I graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work this past May and have gained employment in a field relative to my degree but due to the lack of experience on my part still strive for better paying employment. I cannot afford to move out of public housing even on my income which is higher than most of my fellow project buddies. I personally know the family whose home was broken into. The family has a set of twins both suffering from cerebral palsy. Can you imagine? My sister lives next door in the same set of projects as me and she also has a daughter with cerebral palsy. I personally have no children who suffer from any disease, but I can tell you that my sister pays the full amount of rent which runs about the rate of a house in our neighborhood. The only benfit is the utilitiy costs are substantially lower. Both my sister and I strive to move out of public housing where our homes are entered weekly, our children are not allowed any outside toys, no pools, no tramploines, no sport equipment, we cannot put up border, plant flowers, get satellite without permission, and have any personal privacy. I have no central air, no dryer hook up, and my clothes line is under some trees in a neighbor's yard where birds do there buisness on my clothes daily. My son has been stung by a bee that hid
in his underwear of the line. He has also been biten by a spider that caused him to have his leg sliced open to drain the poison. None of this compares to living in fear that someone that is in our same project will break into our home while we are gone to steal the few possessions we do have not to mention the fear of a home invasion from these same thieves risking the lives of our childre or ourselves. I have so much anger and rage toward your comments about us having to shop in thrift sotres because we cannot afford to have nicer things. Who would choose poverty of prosperity. So many of these families have obstacles you cannot even imagine. Regardless of your claims of poverty, I cannot believe you have endured the lengths of which so many of us in these neighborhoods have. I feel that you have been spoiled by life and are in a position to judge freely because you pay taxes. Had you lived in the years of the depression and seen the government create these programs that helped so many American's to survive. To benefit from these programs should not mean that the person should live the most impoverished life available. You should be ashamed of yourself and your printing of such comments in my opinnion. Who am I though, just an educated poor person striving to gain the luxury you have. I still have so much I would love to say, but I truly believe my experience and beliefs will be waisted upon your ears and eyes. I am just greatful that there are people out there that are not so spoiled by there lives to see that everyone deserves to have a little luxury in there lives that last so short and that there children should not have to be clothed by the local thrift store just because they recieve a little help in this harsh world where they were blessed with two severly sick children who will not recover and will continue to be sick. Diapers for life, specializes equipment, nurses, docters visits, drool that dosen't stop, the lack of speech, feeding tubes, a trach in the throat, and so much more than you can imagine and your worrid about tax money. Money can't buy you or those three babies health or happiness. You disgust me with your thinking. Write a letter to George W. Bush and complain to him about feeding and fighting for the Iraqi people and the war. There are levelsor castes in every society. The rich, the middle class and the poor.It has to be that way according to some philosphers. You should be glad you don't have to work the fields for the fruits and vegetables you eat or for the cotten that your clothes are made of. Be happy you don't have to flip the burger that your family eats on a trip out. Be happy you don't have to wash the nice vehicles of those who come to the car wash. Be happy you have what you have and leave those of us just struggling to have a little of what life has to offer alone. I hope that you are not angered by my opinnions and I hope I sounded a little knowledgable on the subject. I hope these things for myself though not for you. You already have to much luxury in life.

Jennifer Williams

Column for Dec. 20, 2007

Demonstrating the Christmas spirit of giving

Every so often, I get the opportunity to be witness to acts of true love. These past few weeks, I have seen people give selflessly to others and show the true spirit of Christmas. One thing that I have said for years is that I would rather be the church than "go to" church. I would rather never darken the door of a church building and do as James wrote, "show you my faith by my works" than do just the opposite. This is the spirit we are supposed to celebrate at Christmas. God gave his only begotten son, which is what we commemorate each year on December 25th, and again in the Spring when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ. Christmas may get more attention each year, but without what most refer to as Easter, nobody would care about Christmas.

There is one couple who is very dear to me. They have been close friends for over fifteen years, have seen me through some tough times as well as some good times. Just today, as I am writing this, they are blissfully celebrating the love they have for three special girls. These three girls have been in the foster care system for almost six months now. Their mother could not continue to care for them, since she had to leave her abusive husband for fear of her own safety and that of their five children. The three girls were split up and put in foster care, along with the twin baby boys, after the mother could not support the family on her own. I personally know this mother, having been introduced by the proud, new foster parents that I call friends, and also now call the mother a friend.

This couple was happy to take in these precious girls, ages 2, 4, and 6 years. They have selflessly gotten toys, clothes, food, car seats, and bedding supplies for these children, as well as spent a great deal of time in preparation wading through the government bureaucracy, the eventual arrival, and now the actual care for these girls as a total labor of love. These girls were going to spend Christmas apart, in two different foster homes. Now, because of the relentless labor of love by one special couple, the girls will be spending Christmas together in a loving home and get to know the true meaning of giving.

Another act of kindness I have personally witnessed on more than one occasion is by another person with whom I am well acquainted. This man does something that I personally recommend to each and every one of you reading this column. This man travels frequently across North Carolina, sometimes into South Carolina, and up and down the eastern seaboard on occasion. I have personally seen this man take the opportunity to take the time to thank men and women who serve in our armed forces.

How he does this, as his favorite method of expressing gratitude to our military, is when he is dining out during his travels and sees military men or women in a restaurant, he will either simply ask the wait staff to bring him the tab for the soldier(s) or personally walk over to the military personnel and ask to pick up their meal tab and tip. If the wait staff is agreeable to bringing him the check, he personally walks over to the military personnel when they are about to leave, tells them that he is picking up the expense of their meals, shakes their hands, looks them square in the eye, and thanks them for their service to our country.

He does not go to them to tell them he is getting their meal to give his gifts before men, but rather to let them know why he is paying for their meals and to express personal, heart felt gratitude. I find that to be classy. Having witnessed this simple yet effective means of thanking a serviceman or woman, I have continued this tradition during my travels. If more people would also take up this idea as a means of materially as well as verbally expressing gratitude for service and sacrifice for our nation, I do believe that we will foster a better relationship with our military, indelibly mark the consciences of fellow men and women, as well as foster personal habits of expressing gratitude. Won't you try this same thing the next time you see someone in uniform at a dining establishment? Why not try this in other variations, such as for clergy, police, fire, or other such people who often work thankless jobs for the benefit of the greater populace?

I know that this week's column is a bit more sappy than normal, but I wanted to write this as my way of hoping that just before Christmas arrives, that you will know and maybe yourselves demonstrate what it means to give at Christmas time.