Column for April 17, 2008

Can we PLEASE take up the Friskies bowl?

I used to set out dry cat food under my carport to feed an outdoor cat that I adopted. Since she was a neighborhood stray that wandered over to my house from time to time, I had no idea to whom she used to belong. She came over from a house that had been foreclosed upon, so my thought was that she may have been abandoned when the former property owners left. Since I had no idea of knowing her name or whether she even truly had a home, I figured I would come up with a generic name by which to call her. Considering my sense of ironic humor, I chose "Fluffy" to name this short haired, mixed breed cat.

Fluffy was a great cat, as it turned out. She was cute, affectionate, and loyal. She was also still somewhat feral, however, so she stayed outside for the most part. Occasionally, Fluffy would come inside and snuggle, even eat with my other cats. She got pregnant one time and even gave birth to a kitten in my closet. The kitten only lived about 48 hours, though. After the kitten died, I took Fluffy to get spayed. I kept up with her shots and health care. The one thing that I could not keep her healthy from was the constant traffic in my neighborhood. Fluffy was pretty good about crossing the busy road on which I live. One day, however, Fluffy's luck came to an end and I had to bury a flat cat.

While Fluffy was still alive, there were a couple of other cats that came around my house to enjoy the cat food I put out for Fluffy. Both the Fluff monster and I were agreeable to feeding other neighborhood strays, even if they were not as friendly. As a matter of fact, they never even allowed me to touch them, much less get anywhere near them. They did, however, recognize that this was my place, who I was, and the fact that I was their benefactor. Even after Fluffy died, I kept putting out the cat food and water for the other cats. Since there were two gray tabby cats that came around, I called them both "Tabby".

Hey, I know that the originality is just overwhelming, but all I wanted was some way to which to refer to these cats. I also have three parakeets, one of which was named already by someone else. The other two I call "Birds". As far as I am concerned, that is their collective name. It may not be original, but it works. I also have a dog I named Slime Dog, since when I rescued him, he was tethered outside in the freezing rain on a fifteen foot chain with no shelter. His paws were slimy from the mud, his soaking wet coat, and the piles of dog excrement through which he waded inside that little radius of his existence. He got his paws all over my clothes, and I told him how slimy he was; that he was a "slime dog". He responded to that term, and a name was born. OK, back to the main point now.

Besides the two tabbies, I also had other, uninvited creatures that would visit for the free food. A flock of blackbirds camped out under my carport. They often flew in to raid the cat food bowl. They built nests under the carport. They used the bird bath I have in front of my house. All of that did not bother me so much. I thought the sight of birds eating cat food was rather humorous. The unfortunate part was that the birds had absolutely no respect for the free lunch nor the provider and his property. They left a lot of droppings all over my concrete driveway and carport area. My brick steps and hand rails were constantly covered in bird droppings. All they cared about was the hand out. The longer the free food was available, the more birds showed up. The message spread. More and more birds came and visited my free Meow Mix buffet. Soon there was less and less cat food available for the tabbies, for whom the food was originally intended, since the birds kept eating it faster and faster, along with leaving droppings faster and faster. Since I could not be constantly monitoring the food supply each and every moment of every day, I could no longer keep up with the birds' consumption of food never intended for them to eat.

Eventually, I got disgusted with the mess left by the birds and the bill for the constant food replenishment. I power washed the bird droppings, took up the food dish, and never put out any more cat food. Rapidly, the cat food eating blackbirds all left my carport and have not returned since. My bird bath no longer is over run by a "town council", as I called them, of birds meeting at my bird bath. Now cardinals and robins freely enjoy the bath that was once monopolized by the freeloaders. Once the hand outs were removed, the freeloaders left.

This is a real life parable from which we as Americans can learn. The tabbies still come around from time to time, though seldom, and I always say hello to them. Occasionally, I even try to tempt them with some cat morsels. I feel sorry for them, since the good thing I tried to do for them was ruined by those who took advantage of the system.

This is no different than our welfare system, our food stamp program, and (especially) our policies on illegal immigrants. If we remove the freebies, we as Americans and the source of the buffet, will stop getting covered with droppings by those who seek to do nothing but take advantage of a system never intended for them and have nothing but disrespect for those footing the bill for their freeloading. Those for whom the system was truly intended will continue to get a raw deal, since the supply will be eaten up by freeloaders. Until we as Americans decide to take up the Friskies bowl, we will continue to have freeloaders drain our economy and poop all over our homeland.