Today was a very frustrating day at work. I didn’t get anywhere near the amount of work accomplished that I had hoped. The past several days have been long and tediously frustrating, as well. My computer, which used to work well, started to get slower than cold molasses. I did some basic maintenance on it and it sped up nicely, but then started giving me massive problems with a connection to my company’s private network. It was one of those days.
Then I started thinking about some of the other things in my life. My television show lasted a little over six months and just recently went off the air because of a few different circumstances to which I can only shrug my shoulders and speak of my gratitude for the opportunity.
Occasionally I turn on the radio and listen to a disc jockey or talk show host and know that I am better at it than the person to whom I was listening, but still give thanks for the career that I have and realize that I am making more money now than I would be if I had pursued my broadcasting career. I have never been the best at any job I have had, but have always done well at most jobs and businesses I have held or owned. Some jobs I was not so well suited for, some businesses were not sufficiently successful to warrant my continued efforts. Nevertheless, I learned from them all.
I think about how the whole time I was growing up that I never won an essay contest, science fair, or craft fair but sure did have a lot of second place finishes. I think about how when I played Little League baseball, municipal league flag football, and high school football, I was never on a winning team. I learned a lot about teamwork, but I spent a lot of time watching other people play while I sat on the bench or stood on the sidelines. I was never a tremendous athlete, but I competed as I was able.
I think about how I have never won an election of any consequence (not counting some small club or organization) in school or in government, though I was always good at civics and social studies. I was always the one involved in youth government activities, reported on government affairs in my first media job, and did get the top overall social studies award in my graduating class. Though I have never gone further than I have, I am grateful for the influence that I do have in this little column, in my circle of friends, and on the internet.
I think about how my finances have gotten tight since my wife has been out of work for two years and I have had to take on another car payment recently out of sheer necessity. Then I give thanks that my wife is able to stay at home with my children rather than have some day care center raise my boys, that I have employment sufficient to meet all of our needs, and that I have been able to provide a happy, loving home for my family.
I think about how much work there is to do around my little quarter acre patch of earth. The hedges need trimming. The lawn that is looking shaggy. The house, shed, concrete drive and walkways, and fence all need power washing. I have a roof leak and some repair work to do in my kitchen. I have a finite amount of time in which to get it all done and don’t know how I will be able to accomplish any of it. Then I stop and give thanks that I have a temperate, dry house in which to live.
My wife and I are both getting older but have still been talking about having more children. I think about the stupid things I did as a youth that would make me a father of children the same age as the waitress I had the other night. I think about how my first marriage yielded no children for some thirteen years and how my present wife and I have suffered through two miscarriages just this past year. Then I stop and give thanks for the family I have. I have a dedicated, loving bride, a step son I love dearly, and a toddler that is truly the cutest baby I have ever seen. I have also been able to give my boys much more of a father than I got to have my own self when I was young.
You can usually find out where my thoughts are going from day to day on Facebook or Twitter on the internet, and today is no exception. I “tweeted” simply, “At least with Christ, I am always on the winning team.” In all the thoughts about how some things in life have not been as stellar as I would have hoped, I have other thoughts that can be summed up in this: His grace is sufficient for me, and for that I am grateful. Thank you, Father God, for your grace and for your son that you sacrificed for me, someone who never knew a winning team until you took me on as one of your teammates.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Column for Oct. 1, 2009
As I write this, I am sitting in front of my laptop computer in a motel room in Greenville, South Carolina. The motel, by the way, is a very nice, very well run motel with no interior corridors. The motel is of a national brand and is one we do not yet have in Johnston County. Selma Town Council take note.
This however, is not the subject of my column. This week's column is actually fairly solemn topic and a plea. I am in the Greenville area for my brother's funeral. He died earlier in the week. I found out on Wednesday that he had died on a Monday afternoon. On Thursday, I packed up my wife and baby, and headed out of town. I had made contact with one of my other brothers and we chatted about the arrangements, or lack thereof. He lives in Upstate New York. I have two other brothers who live in New Hampshire.
Today, my wife and I spent the afternoon at my brother's house helping his son, a friend of the family, his step father, and his first ex wife (he had three ex wives, by the way) go through boxes upon boxes of stuff, searching for some sort of paperwork indicative of a last will and testament, insurance information, or anything helpful for the disposition of his property, for a way to pay for the funeral, his wishes for his remains, etc. It was not a fun day.
My brother, Ed, was apparently a pack rat. He had a garage he could not use because it was full of boxes. His family had already been searching the house for two days by the time we arrived. They had found some 401(k) statements, some old pay stubs, old bills, and the like. As I helped paw through boxes of stuff, I found more of the same.
As of this evening, there is no sign of a will. One of his sons (my nephew) said that he remembered my brother saying once that he wanted to be cremated. His mother is a practicing Jehovah's Witness, which Ed and his two older brothers resisted since their youth. She said that Ed would have wanted a Kingdom Hall memorial service. Knowing Ed, all of us brothers knew better. His mother was married to my father and they divorced in the early 1960's. Technically, that makes my three older brothers my half brothers, but I consider them brothers nonetheless.
As with many families, there are rumors, accusations, and emotions towards different family members. Since my family has always been fairly aloof towards one another, I have nephews I have not seen in many years, and in some cases, decades. Since Ed's mother remarried twice since divorcing my father (her religious conversion was one major reason for the split), there are a bunch of people whom I have either met seldom or never met at all. Since my older three brothers have a different mother than I and my younger brother do, we have not been considered close family. Oddly enough, his mother and both of my older brothers all consider that I was the one closest to Ed. He was nine years older than me. At age 50, it is possible that he had a major heart attack. The body still has not been released by the coroner's office.
Over the past year to two years, Ed and I had been working on redeeming the time and building our relationship anew. We had been planning a visit down here sometime soon. Now I am visiting, seeing a lot of people I don't really know, and helping frantic people attempt to find what my brother may (or may not) have planned for his heirs and his wishes.
Why do I write all this? I want to encourage you, whomever you are, to make some plans for the end of your life. I made sure that I did so. The day I got married, just after we said our "I do's", this same brother was a witness on my newly signed last will and testament, living will, and health care power of attorney. Yet, it is possible that he did not do the same for himself and his four children. Hopefully, something will be found, but it does not look promising at this point. I implore you to make plans, save your family the heart ache and work, and make your wishes known in advance. It is not hard, it is not expensive, and your family will thank you for it.
This however, is not the subject of my column. This week's column is actually fairly solemn topic and a plea. I am in the Greenville area for my brother's funeral. He died earlier in the week. I found out on Wednesday that he had died on a Monday afternoon. On Thursday, I packed up my wife and baby, and headed out of town. I had made contact with one of my other brothers and we chatted about the arrangements, or lack thereof. He lives in Upstate New York. I have two other brothers who live in New Hampshire.
Today, my wife and I spent the afternoon at my brother's house helping his son, a friend of the family, his step father, and his first ex wife (he had three ex wives, by the way) go through boxes upon boxes of stuff, searching for some sort of paperwork indicative of a last will and testament, insurance information, or anything helpful for the disposition of his property, for a way to pay for the funeral, his wishes for his remains, etc. It was not a fun day.
My brother, Ed, was apparently a pack rat. He had a garage he could not use because it was full of boxes. His family had already been searching the house for two days by the time we arrived. They had found some 401(k) statements, some old pay stubs, old bills, and the like. As I helped paw through boxes of stuff, I found more of the same.
As of this evening, there is no sign of a will. One of his sons (my nephew) said that he remembered my brother saying once that he wanted to be cremated. His mother is a practicing Jehovah's Witness, which Ed and his two older brothers resisted since their youth. She said that Ed would have wanted a Kingdom Hall memorial service. Knowing Ed, all of us brothers knew better. His mother was married to my father and they divorced in the early 1960's. Technically, that makes my three older brothers my half brothers, but I consider them brothers nonetheless.
As with many families, there are rumors, accusations, and emotions towards different family members. Since my family has always been fairly aloof towards one another, I have nephews I have not seen in many years, and in some cases, decades. Since Ed's mother remarried twice since divorcing my father (her religious conversion was one major reason for the split), there are a bunch of people whom I have either met seldom or never met at all. Since my older three brothers have a different mother than I and my younger brother do, we have not been considered close family. Oddly enough, his mother and both of my older brothers all consider that I was the one closest to Ed. He was nine years older than me. At age 50, it is possible that he had a major heart attack. The body still has not been released by the coroner's office.
Over the past year to two years, Ed and I had been working on redeeming the time and building our relationship anew. We had been planning a visit down here sometime soon. Now I am visiting, seeing a lot of people I don't really know, and helping frantic people attempt to find what my brother may (or may not) have planned for his heirs and his wishes.
Why do I write all this? I want to encourage you, whomever you are, to make some plans for the end of your life. I made sure that I did so. The day I got married, just after we said our "I do's", this same brother was a witness on my newly signed last will and testament, living will, and health care power of attorney. Yet, it is possible that he did not do the same for himself and his four children. Hopefully, something will be found, but it does not look promising at this point. I implore you to make plans, save your family the heart ache and work, and make your wishes known in advance. It is not hard, it is not expensive, and your family will thank you for it.
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