Column for Nov. 13, 2008

NOTE: Because of a publisher's error, this column did not run on November 6 as scheduled but ran on Nov. 13th, instead.

Singing the school fund raiser blues

In general, Americans are a generous people. Statistically, they are the most generous of any nation. There are causes and organizations for just about everything you can imagine, all of which are looking for funding. Many get a lot of support from the generosity of Americans. If it were not so, then most of the sweaty, screaming televangelists, most of whom could use a course in systematic theology, would not be on TV today.

In my four decades on this planet, I have been involved with and/or solicited by most every sort of organization imaginable. One thing for certain is that I generally am not fond of fund raisers. There are entire industries dedicated to helping groups raise money. My favorite approach is simply a statement of need and the method of being able to help. That, however, would not help the businesses that expertly craft manipulation tactics and schemes to get money out of people's pockets.

When I was in Cub Scouts, we had fund raisers. We carried around these big, cardboard Tom-Wat kits full of cheap trinkets for the home. I also played Little League baseball. We dressed up in our uniforms and stood outside storefronts with containers in which we begged patrons to drop loose change. We sold chocolate bars, candy coated peanuts, light bulbs, had car washes, and whatever else could fund our endeavors. I have heard of co-workers having fund raisers for school soccer teams. We bought a cookbook recently to help a local high school band go to New York City to be in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Every year, I love buying my share of Thin Mints from little girls.

There is one common thread with all of the above. Charities, religious groups, the Boy Scouts of America, extra curricular activities at school, and baseball leagues are all organizations people either give to or participate in of their own volition. The most heinous sort of fund raiser is the one that has captive participation, is already by a group funded by force, and that the proceeds are not disclosed as to their designation.

I always hated school fund raisers. Every student was expected to sell magazines, expensive candy, over priced trinkets, wrapping paper, or some other sort of expensive stuff I can find at the dollar store. Now that I have a five year old that just started kindergarten, my wife and I have been hit with two recent fund raisers. Quite honestly, I am disgusted.

The first one was an annual event that seems to be a nation wide effort for a gigantic restaurant chain that has three hours set aside one day a year. On that given day, local elementary school students are asked to bring their families to patronize that establishment and a portion of the proceeds (probably a tax deduction for the business) will be donated to the school. The flier that is on my desk says nothing about what the money will be donated for or why it is needed.

The part that disgusts me is the absolute manipulation tactic used. We all know that a child loves to go to a fast food restaurant with cartoon characters, a playground, and chicken nuggets on the menu. When the event is hyped to young, impressionable children, a parent will be given a guilt trip to spend the money at that restaurant in order to placate a whining, crying child that can barely tie his own shoes. Ask me how I know. And yet we parents are supposed to trust that the money is going for a good cause.

My kindergartener brought home a catalog full of over priced stuff we do not need and expensive candy. I do not need fudge that I can personally make better at home or chocolates that I can buy far cheaper at Rose's.

School children are a captive group of victims. They do not participate by choice. Of course the parents are supposed to feel obligated to help their child succeed so they carry a catalog to relatives and to work. Ask me how I know. But a five year old? A kindergartener being conscripted as a sales representative? Have school administrators no shame? Children being manipulated into selling garbage nobody needs to raise money for a reason no parent is told? I hate being manipulated for money, especially for unstated reasons.