Column for April 30, 2009

The fun you can have with a little boy in the house

I can not count the number of times that my lovely bride has made the comment that she already has two boys to raise and now has another on the way. She has one son, there is me, and then Troy Junior who will arrive in about a dozen weeks. My father had five boys, my brothers all had mostly boys, and I had a lot of male cousins. I am used to how boys play and interact. My wife, having only a sister for a sibling, is getting a lesson in what boys are about.

Since we married in October, there has almost never been a dull moment in the LaPlante household. With two dogs, two cats, three birds, a kindergartener, a mother-in-law, and a newlywed couple, things are often boisterous. I have wanted children for years, and I am having a glorious time being a father.

Boys are different than girls, which was actually a headline some years ago for a major national news magazine. Since I had a younger brother while growing up and was raised with a sharp, New Englander, sarcastic sort of wit, I know the fun one can have with a boy in the house, much to the chagrin of my lovely bride.

My step-son is now at the age where he is discovering new words and the fact that boys and girls are indeed different. I am constantly amazed at how children categorize things. In his words, "girls do not have pickles". This is news to a six-year-old, and I can only chuckle. I can tell that I am going to have a chat with him in the not too distant future about some things.

With my propensity towards humor in every day life, I often find humor in things that make my bride blush. The boy came up to her one day and asked, "Mommy, is _____ a bad word?" My wife was aghast with the shock of the question and I was about rolling on the floor with laughter. I was informed how I was not helping the situation whatsoever. Meanwhile, I was wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes.

One day, I was driving on Pollock Street in Selma, and seeing the establishment, the boy asked, "What is a pawn shop?" My answer was simply, "They sell chess pieces". His reply was simply, "Oh," while his grandmother fought to hold back her laughter from the passenger seat.

John has just found out that he likes showers instead of always taking a nightly bath. I love the fact that the shower curtain is drawn, because he does not see me coming like he would if he was taking a bath, instead. A cup of cold water dumped over the top of the shower curtain and onto an unsuspecting child is a favorite past time. Ah, I can hear those little screams of surprise now. I can expect some payback eventually when he gets tall enough to retaliate. I am sure he now has a new tactic to practice on a baby brother of his own some day, as well.

I wish I had my video camera ready one day when I heard a small boy's voice singing as he banged on his toy keyboard. John loves country music. He was hitting the keys with one hand while holding the toy microphone in the other. In a singing voice that would make Simon Cowell wince, he was wailing repeatedly, "I saw God today," and doing his best George Strait imitation. That was funny enough as it was. Then he proclaimed, "OK, just one more song, then y'all can leave church!" I chuckled softly as I waited to hear what was coming next. He then broke into the 1980's pop favorite, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt!" Ah, the things you see and hear without a camcorder in hand. So much for our appearance on "America's Funniest Home Videos".

Speaking of catching things on video, a couple of days ago, I was asked about an old movie that was on TV. "Why is that movie in black and white?" I couldn't resist. My answer was something akin to, "Well, a long time ago, the entire world was black and white. Old movies were made before the earth started to turn color in about 1939. Do you remember the movie, "The Wizard of Oz"? The movie started out in black and white and then suddenly turned to color. We have documented on film for all posterity the world's change over from black and white to color. That is what made that movie so famous."

Yes, sir, I am enjoying being a daddy. And in a few months, I get to have another victim…I mean son to play with.