Column for August 18, 2011

My wife and I bought a family membership to the NC Zoological Society about a month ago. We were planning a family trip to the NC Zoo in Asheboro, so we bought a membership for us and one more adult. We figured that since we make about one trip a year to one of the aquariums at our state’s coast and the zoo admission was sufficiently high that a membership that covers both places would make sense financially.

Had I known of all the animal sightings we were going to encounter in the coming weeks, I would not have gone to the zoo. Just this Monday we saw a vulture in front of our house. It was checking out a dead squirrel that had gotten run over in the street. When we came out the door, the startled bird flew away and I was a bit surprised to see a large bird taking flight at the end of my driveway. Then I looked to see what he was munching on and saw the dead, flat, gray rat with a bushy tail laying in the road.

Selma has an ordinance covering stray dogs. “It is unlawful for any owner or keeper of any dog to permit such dog to run at large within the town.” That is verbatim from the town code. It seems that we have a lot of them running around lately. I do take my dog outside, generally off leash since we pretty much cover from my house to the corner and back. My dog knows his territory and in general stays within it. When he has done his sniffing (reading the newspaper, as I call it) and relieved himself, we go back inside. My dog is always indoors, with me as we go outside together, or in my fenced backyard.

Lately we have been having issues with at least five different dogs wandering through the neighborhood. Three of them are habitually running loose. They especially become a nuisance when I attempt to take old Barack Odoga outside. Just last night a stray Golden Retriever came up to play with my dog, startling both him and myself. The dog got underfoot and I stepped on one of its paws. Whether I use a leash or not (and I occasionally do), these strays are a nuisance. My neighbor’s dogs have been known to be up at 2 AM barking at strays. That of course sets off the entire neighborhood alarm of barking dogs.

Selma has another town ordinance that has to be fractured in order to take care of the aforementioned one. One of the stupidest ordinances in town simply states, “Any person using an air rifle in the town shall be guilty of a misdemeanor.” There are no qualifiers for this ordinance. On my own property, I should be allowed to fire my Daisy Red Rider that I have owned since I was age ten. As long as I am not shooting anybody else or damaging the property of others, I should be allowed to have a BB shooting range in my back yard if I want. Besides, a BB in the side of a stray dog has been known to get rid of the nuisance. It is obvious that there are no real animal control efforts going on, so someone has to make the pesky critters leave the premises.

The last animal display that we saw happened within the last week. I took my wife and children out for an inexpensive family meal. The establishment serves up a pizza, salad, and soup buffet. It is fairly cheap, so we have been known to go there once in a while.

On Saturday afternoon we were grazing on the salad and attempting to find some normal style and appealing pizza on the buffet when a swarm of locusts entered the restaurant. I almost felt like Pharaoh after I refused Moses’ demand to let his people go.

An entire team of child soccer players came in while we were there. At first I said that they were going to be like locusts and pick the buffet clean. These children were all wearing uniforms that actually had a foreign company sponsor’s name in a foreign language on them. I don’t care from whence you come, but if you are going to enjoy the freedom in America and the relative prosperity that we have, at least assimilate to the language and culture.

While my wife and I took turns going up to the buffet to bring back plates of different kinds of pizza for our two children and ourselves, the locusts acted more like wild jackals. They pushed, shoved, and handled their buffet of prey. They picked apart the food with their bare hands, stepped on feet, ran into people, and never once apologized for doing so. They were loud, filling the entire restaurant with a buzz of foreign language, laughter, and the sound of silverware and plates clanging. We could barely hear each other above the din.

Who needs the zoo when we have wild dogs, vultures, cute gray rats, locusts, and jackals right here in Johnston County?