Column for January 4, 2007

If Troy ruled the world, part 2

Last week, I shared a list of items that shall take immediate effect once I rule the world. More specifically, I target this country, state, and local level. I have a very long list, so I just kept writing. Here are more.

13. Now that Christmas is over, the Christmas lights in Uptown Selma shall be shut off until next Christmas season. That is why they are called "Christmas lights".

14. When asked an opinion on whether donuts and coffee are better at Dunkin' Donuts or Krispy Kreme, it shall be unlawful to answer anything other than, "Dunkin' Donuts, of course!"

15. DMV safety inspections shall consist only of items that are actually related to safety.

16. Efforts shall be made to pick up road kill in North Carolina. I have never seen a state in which road kill is left by the side of the road more than here in NC.

17. All international aid forked out gratis to other countries shall immediately cease. We have our own domestic spending issues and we could better spend our money on things other than ungrateful, despotic nations that need to learn how to develop their own economies.

18. Since I have already abolished the income tax by repealing a Constitutional amendment, the nation shall move to a "The Fair Tax" plan with minor changes. The Fair Tax is a consumption tax that allows us to stop paying FICA and federal withholding from our paychecks and taxes all people evenly. The rich buy more, so their spending habits would cause them to pay far more in taxes. The poor buy less, so they will pay less in taxes. Go look it up.

19. All Social Security funds shall immediately be available to individuals for their own management in a private system such as the nation of Chile is using. They copied our plan and found it to be lacking. They later privatized their national plan and now their citizens are retiring wealthy instead of eating cat food.

20. It shall be unlawful to purposely wear exposed underwear in public. It is disrespectful and almost obscene.

21. It shall henceforth be unlawful and unacceptable to invade any country without first having a Declaration of War from the US Congress.

22. The US shall immediately withdraw from the United Nations. The United Nations shall no longer be headquartered in the US. They seem to despise our country, work against us and our allies most of the time, are an ineffective and corrupt organization, they have mooched off our tax payers long enough, and they can start funding their own failed programs. We shall henceforth pay no more dues, building maintenance, or for any more operational funding. We have paid the lion's share for years and gotten little benefit. We have done the vast majority of their dirty work across the globe, including Iraq. We followed their resolutions for Iraq and now get their scorn. Goodbye, United Nations. We won't miss you.

23. Here in NC, the immoral and corrupt man that is Jim Black shall be immediately jailed and removed from office.

24. All Executive Orders passed by previous presidential administrations shall be repealed, save the ones so desired by the current President of the United States. Executive Orders shall not hold the fiat authority of law and shall not be effective past the term of the president issuing said orders. Orders issued by a dead president forty years ago should never be considered valid by any successive administration.

25. Now that we have taken care of a tax code that absolutely dwarfs the Bible in thickness and content, all other laws passed by Congress over the years shall be evaluated with a test for Constitutionality. All laws that are found to be contrary to the Constitution shall be immediately repealed. The same scrutiny shall be used for Supreme Court decisions and assumptions of jurisdiction.

I still have a list of other items, and that list continues to expand. I actually need a voice recorder to keep up with them all as I think of them. Perhaps next week, I will complete the trifecta. Hey, I only have about 700 words each week with which to craft my column.